Missing Deadlines (Yes, Really)

There is something I never thought I would say out loud:

I miss deadlines.

Not all of them, of course. I don’t miss the stress, the rushing, the feeling of being pulled in ten directions at once. But there was something about hearing the words “deadline,” “due by,” and “completion date” that gave my days structure… and, dare I say, a little adrenaline.

Now?
Now I have time.

And it turns out, time without a deadline is a very different thing.

The Case of the Unfinished Baby Books

Somewhere along the way, I pulled out the baby books for all four of my children.

1996, 2001, 2004, 2007

Each one started with the best of intentions—carefully filled pages, notes, milestones, photos lovingly placed. And then… life happened.

Now that I finally have the time to finish them, you would think I’d sit down and complete them, right?

Well.

Not exactly.

Because now I find myself thinking:
What’s the rush?
There might be more photos tucked away somewhere. Maybe I’ll come across something I want to add. Maybe I should wait just a little longer. Maybe I should make them all digital now.

Seventeen… twenty… almost thirty years later.

Still not finished.

And somehow, that feels perfectly reasonable.

The Never-Ending Bedroom Project

In February, we decided to refresh the master bedroom.

A fresh coat of paint.
Doors added to the built-in desk.
Sliders for the shoe storage.

Things we never had time to tackle before.

It is now early April.

And it is… still not finished.

But again—what’s the hurry?

We are empty nesters in a four-bedroom house. There are plenty of other rooms to sleep in.

This would have been unthinkable before.

Now? It’s just part of the process.

Laundry, Reimagined

This one might be the biggest adjustment of all.

I used to be the laundry queen.

A couple of loads during the week.
A few more on the weekend.
Always something to wash, fold, organize.

Now?

With just the two of us, I can easily go more than a week without doing a single load.

And honestly… that still feels strange.

The To-Do List That Isn’t Urgent

Back in January, we made a list of everything we wanted to accomplish before traveling in April.

A solid list. A motivated list. A we are going to get things done list.

And we have done some of it.

But not all.

And the rest?

Well… it will still be there when we get back.

Old habits would have had me checking things off, pushing through, making sure everything was completed on time.

Now I find myself saying, What’s the rush?

When “What’s the Rush?” Starts to Feel Unsettling

Here’s where it gets a little more honest.

Without deadlines, there are moments where it feels like I’m not accomplishing anything.

There is a certain energy that comes with finishing something on time.
A quiet satisfaction in meeting expectations.
Even a little adrenaline rush when you beat the clock.

And without that structure, days can feel… open.

A little too open sometimes.

Learning to Create My Own Deadlines

I saw this clearly when I wrote my book:

Calm in the Chaos: You Are Not Failing — You Are Becoming
A Bedside Table Lifeline for Women in Residency

It started as a gift for my eldest daughter as she finished her second year. Something small. Something meaningful.

And then it grew into something bigger.

But here’s the truth:
There was no deadline.

No one was waiting for it.
No one was expecting it.
No one would have noticed if I never finished it.

And that made it surprisingly difficult to complete.

I had to push myself.
I had to decide to finish it.

Which, it turns out, is very different from having to finish something.

A Different Kind of Deadline

It’s a strange realization at this stage of life.

We may no longer have external deadlines, but that doesn’t mean time is unlimited.

We’re not always going to have the same energy, the same health, the same ability to move through the world as we do now.

In a way, the deadlines are still there.

They’re just quieter.

More personal.

Less about pressure—and more about intention.

Redefining What “Done” Means

So here I am, somewhere between:

• Unfinished baby books

• An ongoing bedroom project

• A lighter laundry schedule

• A half-completed to-do list

And one finished book that only exists because I chose to finish it.

I’m learning that retirement doesn’t remove purpose—it changes how we engage with it.

Some things can wait.

Some things should.

And some things… require us to gently set a deadline for ourselves, just to remember what it feels like to complete something.

Maybe I Don’t Miss Deadlines… Just the Feeling They Gave Me

Maybe it’s not the deadlines themselves that I miss.

Maybe it’s:

• The sense of progress

• The rhythm of working toward something

• The satisfaction of saying, “I finished it.”

Now, I just have to create that feeling in a different way.

On my own terms.

At my own pace.

With just enough structure to keep me moving forward…
but enough freedom to enjoy where I am.

And if the baby books take another year (or two) to finish?

Well…

What’s the rush?